Oh, Lillian
by BodhiFree
Summary: Story about John Bender and his quest to protect his sister. Rated M just in case for later chapters. Language and violence as of now. I do not own any rights to The Breakfast Club franchise.
1. The Man Who Sold The World

They were to finally meet the mystery boy who fought tooth and nail to adopt his little sister. A plan hurtled into fruition by her unexpected birth 4 years earlier when the boy was fourteen. The plan soaked in pain, loyalty, and sacrifice. The plan the boy feared he wouldn't live to see carried out.

 ** _"I promise to always keep you safe from...them."_**

The sadistic torture he waded through to see this day was worth it. Seeing the way she ran to him and clung on for dear life, fearing they would be separated again, physically needing to be forced apart for the second and last time. _Not this time, baby. Never again._

She grasped the vague idea of what was happening. She at least knew others were deciding for her, who would be fit to raise her. She already knew, of course. She wanted the one who cradled her and sang softly while their parents were screaming and throwing objects at each other. The sound of glass breaking and fists flying making her jump while, her big brother, held on tighter and began inching towards the makeshift safe room he had built in his closet. The same closet he bore a hole through to reach her room in a hurry. He taught her how to escape and who to run to if he was unconscious or...worse. She would find out later that he stayed for her. She would find out later that he had a stunning array of scars to prove his devotion. It was the only way. His mother would never leave his father. If child services got involved before he was 18, they would be separated and he couldn't protect her. He couldn't start a fight with her predator if she broke something, wet herself, or cried too much. This maternal behavior was sewn into his nature at her birth. The price for keeping her safe? His lengthy school record. A factor that almost cost him Lillian. He was the bad boy. The damaged boy. The one who made life complete hell for authority figures at the school. If they only knew he did it all on purpose, simply to be the focal point of the abuse at home. If they only knew he orchestrated racking up those Saturday detentions, simply because his father was off weekends and she would be safe at their grandmother's. He needed a break from the beatings and the burnings and the cuttings.

 ** _"Lily, he'll never lay a hand on you. Lily, she'll never blame you. Lily, I love you."_**

The damaged boy, now a man in the eyes of the law, made his way to the Guidance Office to collect her with tears welling in his eyes, hair recently cut short, sans piercings, and in a rather uncomfortable suit. He felt lighter, suddenly realizing he no longer cared about the image he maintained. He was returned to the school after family court let out. He waited an excruciating two hours to hear he was awarded full custody. To his shock, his father was later thrown in prison, which was a possibility he hadn't dared entertain given his father's history of expert manipulation. A bonus. He was unable to breath evenly still, knowing he had finally won. She was safe.

The ordeal was almost impossible to keep under wraps. His name was kept out of the papers by some miracle, but the graphic details of the case were public knowledge. Everyone wanted a peak at the boy who had confessed his tactics and maneuvers for keeping his baby sister safe for four long years. The boy who suffered unimaginable horror in silence, all for her. They wanted to see the pictures presented to the judge. They wanted to feel the knot twist in their guts as they tried to imagine the feeling of being burned, cut, and beaten by someone who was supposed to protect you. People crave darkness.

Lily was brought into the school quietly. She was softly sobbing into her well loved stuffed puppy, a present from her brother. Those working in the office tried to quell her sadness and fear but, to no end. She didn't understand anymore. No one was telling her why she was there. Why she was still surrounded by strangers. She was continuing her descent into despair until she heard people gasping. There was a boy out of breath, holding himself up on the door frame. He was looking around frantically with pain and longing in his eyes. She jumped up to see...

"JOHNNNNNY!" She cried out with a mixture of leftover sorrow and pure joy, registering as a heartbreaking whine.

"Lily...Lily." He reached his arms out, with tears streaming down his face.

No eyes were dry. Not even Principal Vernon's as they all bore witness to little Lily flying into the infamous John Bender's arms. He collapsed to the floor and wrapped his arms around her until she disappeared briefly. They began to cry into each other desperately, muffling unidentifiable words to each other.

Still on the office floor, he now had a soft hold of her face, brushing away the strands of hair sticking to her tear soaked cheeks gently and managed to say: "It's over, baby. We get to stay together now. They can't take you away from me."

She stared back, smiled, and cried harder into his shoulder. He scooped her up like a baby, cradling her while planting loud, dramatic kisses all over her face. She began to cease the sobbing and broke out into giggles when he blew a giant raspberry into her neck that made her squeak. She squirmed and smiled wildly. He lifted her up so she was hanging in the air in front of him. He looked as if he was making sure no pieces were missing, assuming somehow, her physical appearance could tell him what she went through during the weeks they were separated. He seemed satisfied with what he found and brought her back to his chest, nuzzling her face like a mother cat until he landed on her small shoulder. He let her down so she could have her chance to take inventory.

She stared up at him when she reached the ground, tilting her head to one side. "You...you look funny, Johnny! I can't learn braids now!"

He stuck his tongue out at her and laughed as he roughed up his formal hairstyle, pulling up the longest strands, trying to make them stand up straight. "Don't worry Lily Bug, I'm growing it back. You can torture me all you want in a few months. "

Their hands reached out in unison and joined as they exited. He never even glanced at the crowd in the office. Tunnel vision. Lily vision.

The ecstatic chatter of the little girl echoed through the hall and into the ears of all in the office as they stood in absolute disbelief. John Bender fooled them all.


	2. Playtime

**John Bender is Fifteen and Change...**

* * *

"JOHN! Get your sorry ass in here!" His father bellowed from the kitchen.

"What did I do now?" John mumbled. He was now standing in front of his old man, clearly preferring to be on the moon instead.

"Why is there juice all over the floor?! Are you completely worthless!?" The older Bender spat, pointing to a long trail of now sticky, juice splatters leading to his son's bedroom.

"All right, I'll clean it, I'll clean it." John said this and immediately knew he had chosen the wrong tone.

"You better not be talking back, boy!" His father said, finishing off the sentiment with a punch to the back of his head. He grabbed a beer and narrowed his eyes at the boy but left him alone. Probably not wanting to spill his beer.

 _Could have been worse_ , he thought to himself as he got off the floor and proceeded to mop up the juice massacre. He knew who had done it but took the blame with zero effort. His mom must have given her juice earlier that day when John was at the store. She never could quite put the top of the sippy cup on correctly. There was a trick to it that she hadn't practiced enough to master. Lily had just started walking, albeit like a little Frankenstein monster, so John smiled to himself as he pictured the juice sloshing out with each stomp. Little Lily was about a year and a half now.

She was hiding in the closet when John walked in. She must have heard the commotion. Smart girl.

"Hey, kitten. Next time you want a drink, just let me know and I'll get it for you before I go. Okay?" John cooed this message softly, as he secured the lid on her cup absentmindedly.

"Kay. Farm?" She mirrored his tone but the message clearly traveled right over her head and out the door.

"Sure thing, baby."

He picked her up and sat her down in front of him. He chose a little plastic cow and mooed him out of the red plastic pen to greet the pig she chose, bonking their snouts together with a 'boop' for dramatic effect. She somehow managed to whisper a laugh. He wished she could laugh and play as loud as she wanted but, they both knew _he_ was home and not in a good mood. When was he ever? He couldn't help but feel they had a lot in common with these little plastic animals. Stuck in a pen and controlled by giants.

A half hour or so drifted by. They grew tired of feeding the animals and having conversations as a cow and pig respectively, so they moved on to story time. John plopped her next to him on the bed and reached over to the unworn books leftover from his childhood. They were stacked on an old, musty Army trunk that was doubling as a nightstand. They hardly looked liked they'd been touched, save for the red crayon scribbles hidden on the back pages. Golden Books. His grandmother must have bought them.

"Let's read Thumper." John announced this to her in a matter of fact way, knowing she would not protest. Bunnies were her favorite and John always crinkled his nose when the bunny spoke and stuck out his front teeth when he finished the dialogue, making her giggle. He would even lightly tap her foot when Thumper thumped. Her favorite pages were noticeably dingier when compared to the rest. When she was a younger baby, she liked to point to the characters with her drool covered fingers and smudged the ink. If you looked closely, you could see bits of her dinner impregnated into the pages.

To his surprise, he only made it three pages until he heard the tell tale signs of sleeping Lily. The days he and his father fought seemed to tire her out early. He decided not to move her to her room and reached over to turn off the light.

He sat there with his thoughts, shaking his head in an effort to release them when they inevitably turned dark. Even with a sweet, innocent girl snoring in his arms, there was no escaping them. He hoped he would not thrash in his sleep with her beside him.

 _Could have been worse,_ he repeated. _Could have been much, much worse._ "Goodnight, Little Lily." With that, he drifted off to sleep.


	3. Mr Pup

**And there he sat like Buddha.**

This time it was only bruises to his ribs and neck. The purple coloring on his neck was starting to creep above the collar line. _The old man's_ _getting sloppy,_ he thought to himself. He continued to sit, wondering if the older Bender would barrel through the door, hunting for more.

"Come out now?" Lily spoke in a high pitched whisper in his direction from under the bed. She was two and a half years old now.

"Not yet, baby. I'll come get you in a minute. Here, play with Mr. Pup." He implored, before sliding a stuffed border collie in her direction, careful not to bend at the waist.

* * *

Mr. Pup wore a little bow tie and looked rather distinguished for a thrift store toy. Bender had snatched it up from the quarter bin and had already named it by the time he got to the register. He went there to buy her clothes but could never justify leaving without a little something for her to play with. Visits to this store were few in far between during the school year when he was forced to juggle school, work, and making sure she was taken care of. He could rely on his mother a little during the day but rarely at night and definitely _never_ on the weekends.

He managed to find one pair of tiny jeans with an elastic waist but they were on the thin side. He waltzed over to the section with new in package items and thumbed through the tights, locating her size lazily. They had a green tag which meant they must have just come in from the department store. The price reflected this fact but they were really high quality and would hold her over for spring so, he hedged his bets and got them to go under the jeans. The shoe department was next on his list. She just kept on growing. _These are a little too big but, she can double up her socks._ In the cart they went _._ He noticed a pair of military surplus jumping boots on the end cap a few rows down. _Shit, my_ _size._ As he flipped them over he murmured aloud to himself: "$8! What are they nuts? I can get superglue for 50 cents." He looked around to make sure no one had heard his outburst before looking down at the various weak spots on his old boots. _Project for detention._

When he returned home, he set aside the tights and tossed everything else into the washer, Mr. Pup and all. He tossed in whatever was in the hamper as well, just to ensure he didn't get wailed on for wasting water. He went back sometime later and brought her things into his room to dry after tossing the rest of the load in the dryer, with the addition of previously laundered clothes, so he wouldn't get wailed on for wasting electricity. Mr. Pup was much whiter than before and the sneakers survived the washer, losing most of the stale, thrift store odor. He was pulling lint stuck in the Velcro of the shoes as he walked back to his room.

Lily popped in to view once John was through placing the items on the chair near the radiator to dry.

"Mine?" She asked shyly.

"Nope! All for me. They'll fit perfectly, don't you think, Lily Bug? And just look at these tights! Oo-la-la!" She was giggling now as he continued putting on a mock fashion show with the wet jeans, that barely covered one of his thighs, as he held them up. I'll tell you what though, kitten, you can have this. I think he likes you better than me anyway. His name is Mr. Pup."

"DOGGY!" She said with a gasp as she grabbed on to the pup. "Wet doggy!" John basked in this small victory and slumped on to the bed, grinning like a kid on Christmas. Lily crawled up and hugged him before returning to the stuffed toy. John watched as she placed Mr. Pup by the other items. "Warm." She whispered as she patted his damp fur.


	4. Good Old Uncle Joe

**_"This is crap! What kind of story ends like this?"_**

John was again at the thrift store, muttering under his breath only this time, it was directed toward Sleeping Beauty, not combat boots. He was growing tired of the small book selection at home and at the same time, Lily was improving focus and speaking more each day. He figured they were well passed overdue for an upgrade. The books he already had were age appropriate but he wanted to challenge her so, he was currently venturing into new shelf territory. He could see she was smarter than your average 3 year old, the way she would drift off into her own thoughts as he read to her. He imagined she was adding more details. Details she drummed up on her own. He needed to encourage that. Mental note: _Buy the book but write a new ending._

He seemed satisfied with the next two books he read but continued to comb the shelves. He stumbled upon _Mother Night_ by Kurt Vonnegut and made the decision to spend a quarter on himself. It was one of his favorite authors and he wasn't easy to come by on these dusty, old shelves. He next poked around the kid's clothing racks but nothing new had come in. He made the trek down to the shoes and noticed the boots he eyed up during the last visit were marked down to $4. He stood in front of them and counted his money. He paced around with the boots for a while until he finally convinced himself it was a good investment. It would be a long while before he could afford a car so, there would continue to be a lot of walking in his future.

He was pulling in more shifts than ever now. It was summer and time was running out. He would be 18 in under a year and needed more money in the bank to be taken seriously before putting in the motion for custody. He was on the hunt for an apartment he could afford as well, wanting to secure that in 6 months or less to establish responsibility through foresight. Prove that he wasn't messing around. Luckily, he had been working in Joe's Auto Repair Shop since before he started high school and was a closeted miser. Learning a trade was also highly unusual for a person his age, and that, spoke volumes. He and the owner, Joe, had become close over the years. Joe admired the kid's work ethic and desire to learn so he took him under his wing. John respected him and secretly basked in the glow of his company. He never felt threatened or worthless around him, like he did with his own flesh and blood. He needed the reminder that male figures could be compassionate. Joe was that and more, which made John chip away the steal fortress that surrounded him, calmly and without his knowledge.

Joe wore a groomed, full beard and was built like a brick shit house. His face told you all you needed to know. He had deep worry lines etched into his forehead and a pad of rippled flesh would appear between his brows when he cursed at inanimate objects of one origin or another. He also sported impressive laugh lines. When he smiled, it was impossible not to smile right back. A stern face suddenly transforming into that of a giggling child was stunning to behold. True and genuine, just like Joe. When he laughed, it was an event. He couldn't seem to help himself from shaking the surrounding area with his sonic boom of a laugh, or reaching out to shake whomever had initiated the episode. You could sometimes catch him laughing with the air or at something no one else found funny in the least. Like when John backed into a shelving unit holding a towering display of oil cans, sending them crashing to the floor in a deafening roar. The pair stared silently at the catastrophe as it unfolded, unable to look away. John's eyes were wide and worried. Joe's face was blank. As the last oil can hit the ground, one of the shelves buckled, releasing a metal bracket. It bounced with a high pitched 'ping' for a solid five leaps and then fell flat, making one last 'ping' at rest. Joe completely lost his mind at the noise and was unable to stand up straight. He laughed harder when he saw John's petrified and stunned face so he reached out a bear paw, eclipsing the boy's shoulder in one motion and shook him until the laughter rose up and spilled out, waking him from his coma.

 _That was when John knew, he could trust Joe._

Over the years, Joe would notice a bruise or two but, he chalked it up to the normal wear and tear of teenage life. That was until, he started to notice John favoring one side of his body or wincing when he had to bend at the waist. Even breathing differently from time to time. On more than one occasion, John would flinch when Joe snuck up on him or reached out a hand to dish out a 'good job' pat. It started to concern him that he no longer saw bruises. He had confronted him a few times about it but would receive a run of the mill comment about getting in to it with someone. _Not necessarily a lie._

Rewind to a few months ago. Joe was alone in the shop, cursing sweet nothings to an engine suspended from a Cherry Picker, when John practically fell into the garage on his day off, announcing his entrance with a crying toddler, hanging on to his neck for dear life as John caught his breath.

 _The move Lily was performing, was called 'monkey'. John taught her this for when he needed to put tights or pants on her. He would simply say: "Lily, monkey," and she would abide by clasping her hands around his craned neck and remaining straight as an arrow. They had a full arsenal of code phrases, most important of which was 'Lily, hide'._

Joe immediately noticed dark, purple bruises on his neck and arms. And was that..blood on his shirt? It was chilly that morning too so it was odd that John was only wearing a white undershirt and jeans. His boots were untied and muddy. Not good. Joe's eyes drifted over to Lily and noticed she was wrapped up in John's token, grey coat, but could see she was in her pajamas. Not a mark on her.

John was approaching now. He started to see scars for the first time but tore away his glance when the disheveled boy spoke.

"Oh, hey Joe. I, uh...we were just..."

He was really trying to play it off... _looking like that?_ His age was showing.

"Okay, you need to tell me what is going on, Bender. Right now! Bring that poor girl into the office and explain yourself." Joe ushered them into the office and poured John a cup of burnt, but hot, coffee. He turned the ancient space heater on and it rattled away as he fixed his gaze on John.

Lily was calming down little by little. Her brother was patting her back and gently bobbing her up and down. Short, little hiccups escaped her lips.

"Well." Joe said this as his arms crossed. His facial expression showed deep concern and fear, not at all matching his strong body posture. John immediately picked up on this and stammered out the reply quickly, before he could change his mind.

"I...I have a plan Joe, I'm going to adopt Lily in a year and get the fuck out of that house. It's all in motion, don't worry about us and please, keep it to yourself or it will all go to shit. I know how to keep her safe, don't worry."

This honest and thorough explanation was all Joe needed to hear. He understood now why he saw so much of himself in John. He had scars of his own.

 _Broken people tend to gravitate towards one another. Like magnets._

Joe slowly began prodding information from John about his strategy. He was reluctant to reveal information but he felt he could trust him. He _had_ to trust him.

Lily was snoring away in John's arms now, having been rendered defenseless by the warm air's mystical powers, when the topic of looking for an apartment leaked out of her older brother. Joe didn't waste anytime.

"Listen, Bender. I don't know if you know this but, that isn't overstock upstairs. It's our old apartment. Me and the wife lived up there after I bought the place. It needs some work. Mostly cosmetic. We'll figure out a price that suits you and I'll sign whatever your lawyer needs me to when the time comes to move in." He said this in a way that relaxed his employee. Nice and easy. He knew John had his pride and it could get in the way. Kids like him recoil reflexively to the notion of a handout.

"I...I don't know what...I don't know how I can ever thank you enough." John very uncharacteristically displayed an emotion besides anger to another human being and continued. Tears inevitably showed up next. "This will really help us, I...I can't tell you. This changes everything."

"You just make sure that girl gets a chance. She needs you." Joe returned an emotional response fighting back tears himself. He had more practice, however, and won the salty battle.

John nodded and put his head down, staring at Lily's twitching nose. He wrapped her up a little tighter in his coat and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

Both men sat there for a moment, exhausted from the exchange. Having to express emotion was just too daunting a task for two tough guys like them. Luckily, Joe broke the silence being the older, awkward member of the party and motioned upstairs. John slowly positioned Lily so that her head was hanging slightly over his shoulder causing her arms to fall limp by her sides. It hurt, he didn't care. With that, they silently traversed the stairs to the apartment.

John noticed the front door looked sturdy and had a solid lock. He liked that. The solid oak door creaked open to reveal an apartment bigger than it had looked from the outside. The paint was peeling in spots and some of the kitchen cabinets had missing handles or broken drawers. The floor boards creaked a bit and the toilet needed reworking, according to Joe. One of the bedrooms had a floor to ceiling bookcase built into the wall. _This should be Lily's room._ The other bedroom was slightly larger and had an old, metal bed frame propped up in the corner, along with other pieces of furniture that had become casualties of the moving war. The sun was shining through his room intensely, deploying penetrating rays to disrupt the frenzy of Waltzing dust particles in the air.

 _He let his mind wander._

From the depths of his wounded subconscious sprouted visions of Lily reeking havoc. It was what John most wanted to see. See her register the moment she felt truly free and light, no longer having pause to hide. He longed to see her spin and laugh, jump on the bed, roll around in the grass, get dirty. Be a kid.

Flashes of quiet nights at home, snuggled up on the couch watching corny movies. Feet on the furniture. No more pain or worry. John suddenly realized it would no longer hurt when he held her. No injuries to prevent him from flipping her upside down or pushing her on the swings. He could repair his relationship with spontaneity.

Most importantly, his baby sister would have the chance to outrun the darkness that plagued her. The faraway look beginning to cloud her eyes gave it a name. John recognized it. He felt it deep in his bones. It made him ache and want to tear at his flesh. He refused to let that dark passenger haunt her soul. It would be too late for John. He was too tired to care and didn't have the strength to run. He wished his father was dead and buried.

Mercifully, Lily shifted in her sleep and a shock-wave of pain jolted through his body, causing a chill to engulf him and shoot through his fingers. He clawed out of the void and let out a muffled grunt.

Unbeknownst to the boy, Joe had been studying him at a distance. It was hard to ignore since he had gone so impossibly silent. Something he had never seen him do before. He had an idea where John's thoughts were lingering. _Purgatory, I know the place._

He had resided himself to let it play out when he saw John twitch and groan.

"Let me take a look at that." Joe broke the silence and The Code.

"Huh, oh, no. I'm okay." He didn't want the only person he had told to know the whole truth. Bruises were one thing but, this? This was hard to justify not sprinting to the police station waiving a bright orange banner.

"Thank you Joe, really, but I'll be all right."

Joe nodded solemnly. One part of him was concerned but the other half understood. They were cut from the same cloth.

 ** _Push it down, Joe. Way down._**

With one last drink of the view, John made sure the subject was thoroughly changed. "It's perfect. I'll get started in a few days. Thanks, Joe. And thank Alice for me too."

"Don't mention it, kid. Just make sure you bring that baby around to see us from time to time. The wife really misses her." He suppressed the urge to clap John's shoulder and held up the keys instead. "She's all yours. Come and go as you please."


	5. The Reason

**What was it that John had done to provoke such a beating? To warrant giving away his intentions to Joe?**

He was branded again that morning, like cattle. All because he wanted leftovers. He was shocked to hell there were even any to begin with so, he should have known it was too good to be true. Such a simple thing.

They were idiotically crammed into a space unable to accommodate the giant container they were in.

"How the fuck did she get it in there?" John muttered under his breath, careful not to wake the beast snoring loudly in the master bedroom.

He tried to lift the shelf above it slightly to free the leftovers in question to no avail. He tried to flip the container on its side. Nothing doing.

 _This mother fucking plastic bitch is mine_.

For five, frustrating minutes he flip flopped between the two maneuvers, growing increasingly more irate with every second that passed. Finally, John lost his temper, yanking the Tupperware out with one swift and violent motion.

"OH _SHIT_." John said with a whimper, as he watched the shelf above his prize's previous residence fall to its demise, dragging three glass Budweiser's with it to the unforgiving, ceramic floor.

 _ **This is going to be bad, real bad. You just had to pick his day off, didn't you?**_

"WHAT IN THE FUCK!?" The older Bender screamed as he struggled to pull his jeans on. "You little piece of shit! WHAT DID YOU DO!? GET OVER HER, NOW!"

John tried to run this time but found he was cornered. He hadn't seen his old man this worked up in eons and it frightened him on a guttural level. He felt like he was about to become the very first human sacrifice to the Beer God.

He had to settle for being a punching bag instead.

It was never ending. Kicking, punching, wailing, stomping. John had long since curled up and accepted his fate when the raving lunatic above him suddenly stopped bruising his knuckles on Bender's bones and just stared at the lump that was his only son.

 _Wide-eyed. Complete silence._

 _ **Fuck. Does he think I'm dead? Wait, is he taking a smoke break? What is going..please no!**_

The eyes of the silent man were cold and black and empty.

He wasn't drunk this time, he was stone cold _sober_.

John looked up at him with soulful eyes, begging him without a word. Not again. Please, not again.

 _Sorry, Soul isn't home right now. Check back later._

John suddenly felt like he was in a movie. Time slowed and pulsed to the rhythm of his breathing. Cornered, alone, and scared, dancing with Father Time. He dug his short nails into the bicep now pinning his weak body to the cold tile. His shirt collar was pulled down. At least he was going to hide it this time.

With gritted teeth and a panicked heart, he felt the cigar extinguish on his chest.

 _So much screaming._

John's eyes wretched open in an effort to avoid the pain, desperate for a distraction. His eyes drifted to the magnets on the fridge as his legs involuntarily kicked the air.

 _I don't exist, this isn't happening._

He felt his requiter's eyes demanding contact. He dared obey, not knowing what else to do to conquer the blinding pain.

 _ **Visceral fear abducted his psyche the moment they locked eyes.**_

John determined he preferred that man's eyes when they were void of all emotion. They were now those belonging to a sadist introducing himself, for the first time.

 _ **Father and Son, no more.**_

 _And suddenly, the Infant Sadist took leave of him._

 _Here comes the bride._

His mother witnessed it all and did nothing. She feigned ignorance and counterfeited her actions to be those of a woman who saw a mess that needed cleaning, nothing more. She made her way into the kitchen, passing her husband as he retreated into the bedroom. She handed her son a wet dishcloth without muttering a word, and grabbed a broom.

"I'll clean this up." She said, emotionless. "Lily is crying for you."

John looked up at her, craving her embrace for the first time in years. She smelled the burnt flesh and saw the tears but turned away before she could register his desperation. His longing. She didn't want to see it. She was dead inside and she preferred it that way.

 _He decided right then and there, he would never again take a beating for her._

 ** _Mother and Son, no more._**

 _Lily_. John remembered he did have someone to hold him. Someone who needed holding too.

John wouldn't take any chances today. He swallowed the pain that was seething through every nerve and ran to get his baby sister, abandoning the dishcloth, no longer wanting anything his mother had to give. Lucky for him, he had already retrieved her from her room out of habit before surveying the fridge. She was sleeping when he left her, having remained asleep during transport. _She would never sleep in her room alone again._

"Lily. Monkey! Hurry, baby." John was stepping into his boots as he said it. She was already by the door, sobbing uncontrollably when he came in so she was swinging from his neck in no time flat. He grabbed his coat and pried the window open, wrapped Lily's legs around his massacred torso and swung himself through, twisting in agony and crying aloud. He found they were sinking into the dilapidated lawn. The mud threatening to pull him out of his boots and send them tumbling down, giving his father time to react to yet another disruption only this time, she would meet their _new_ daddy. He arched his feet inside the black leather while he slid forward carefully, and was released without protest from the earth.

 _He didn't know where he was going, he just needed to get them the fuck away from there._

He was fumbling with the coat as he ran, trying to put his arms through the holes so it would cover Lily and his new lessons in torture simultaneously. He still had to hide the obvious abuse from prying eyes. _Goddamn it, soon._ He settled for covering just her up for now. It was still too early in the morning for the kind of neighbors he had to be out and about. This was the working class part of town and it was a Sunday.

They hiked through the concrete jungle for ten minutes or so before the adrenaline completely wore off. He was in tremendous pain and risking a blackout at this point so he made the decision to head for the water tower.

They made it and he was still conscious. Such a simple thing.

He looked around for a spot to hide Lily but found none. Scouting frantically for cover instead, he spotted an area obscured by the machinery beneath the bulb shaped colossus. He leaned against the fence imprisoning it for support and adjusted the trembling body tethered to him. He fought to discover the least painful position and came to the conclusion cradling her low and off to the side was as good as it was gonna get.

Lily spoke through her cries. "Johnny, hurt. I scared."

"I know, baby. I know." He was cuddling her now, blocking the chill and the pain from the varieties of torment he was in by doing so. She was the only warm thing in his life.

His heart was breaking. He couldn't shield her from the violence this time, not with his wounds in full view. He thought back to the gut wrenching screams he brayed savagely just minutes ago, hoping she slept through it. But that was impossible. He knew it.

 _Please forget this memory, Lily. PLEASE. Forgive me._

He had to think fast. Where could they go that is familiar and safe until the coast was clear? Who was stronger than he was at this moment.

"It's okay. Sshh sshhh, my darling. Sshhh. How about we go see Uncle Joe? Would you like that, baby?"

With a spark of recognition to the friendly bearded man's name, Lily bobbed her head in acceptance.


	6. The Judge

Bender started to take Lily with him to work after the ceremonious branding. His mother absolutely did not care one way or the other, as long as she got her pills and booze. Her daughter was passed the cute phase and approaching the work phase in her eyes. He saw less and less of his father, much to his relief. He noticed the old man had upped his alcohol intake by at least double, due to the way he was too sloshed to walk or speak, let alone beat the shit out of his son, or invent a reason for it.

 _Shit. If it were that easy to control the old man, I would have started a brewery in the basement._

He had begun to adhere to a rigorous schedule...

1\. School

2\. Pick up Lily from Preschool

3\. Work

4\. Make repairs to the apartment

5\. Return "home" to sleep and keep up appearances

Bender had successfully met the criteria to be admitted into the work release program for his last year of Shermer High, preventing the burnout of years prior and allowing him to save money and work more hours. Things were starting to come together. His record was looking cleaner. He had long since paid off his Saturday detention debt and avoided Dick Vernon like the plague. Trying his best to evaporate into obscurity.

 _Invisibility_ _. Believe it, achieve it._

Although he didn't tell Lily why they were fixing up a dusty apartment in their spare time, she was covertly nudged into voicing her opinion on color schemes. He would take her to the hardware store and let her play with the swatches. He was secretly praying she wouldn't pick pink for her room but, it didn't matter. She could ask for a hand-painted mural of the entire cast of Gumby and Friends and he would obey.

He was keeping an eye out for furniture like a hawk but noticed a pattern of key pieces he needed suddenly appearing in the shop, accompanied by a flimsy excuse from Joe or his wife. First, a couch, then a twin mattress appeared with the bed frame and sheets. Sheets with _flowers_ on them, no less. He would come in and see books on the shelves, clearly attempting to camouflage themselves against the ones Bender had already placed there. Additionally, the culprit had managed to smuggle in a few pots and pans, a lamp, some silverware, and even toilet paper was discovered once after it had attacked Bender with its soft fury during a re-shelving expedition in the bathroom.

John got the feeling Joe had let Alice in on their little secret. He guessed not the whole story though or she would have a different look in her eyes when she spoke to him because Alice, was the sweetest woman he had ever met. She had always been good to him, and Lily. She would tear up every single time she saw Lily curled up on her brother asleep. She just knew they needed each other more than the average siblings by the way they looked at each other. Alice was proving herself to be essential in Lily's development as well. She was kind and affectionate, always having conversations with her and playing games. She would hold that girl till the cows came home but would wait for her to initiate contact. Bender noticed the change in his sister's demeanor immediately. She was becoming more adventurous in the safe house, no longer needing to cling to her protector. John was able to loosen the knot in his heart during the hours they spent there, knowing it had come in the nick of time.

 _She really did have a chance to outrun the demons._

* * *

Months had passed since the offer was made to live above the shop. Their humble abode looked completely different now. Lily had decided on lilac, not pink with a Gumby mural. John could care less if his room was painted but made sure to scrape the peeling paint and go back over the whole place with a fresh coat of white. He had fixed the cabinets, reattached the chain for the trip lever on the toilet, replaced a leaky pipe under the sink and threw a few nails into the boards he deemed culpable for the song the floor sang. It still squealed a bit but he didn't mind. By now he had acquired all the basic furniture needed to pass any home visits the future had to offer. He had gone a little crazy decorating Lily's room so his would be relatively boring, save for his vinyl collection, books, and banged up guitar.

As of now, only one item was calling his future room home: A black lock-box containing all the evidence he would need to win the custody battle. _It was time._

Inside...

Receipts for every single item he had ever bought for Lily, baby pictures, copies of her medical records (some of which had photocopies of checks in his name written out to the practice stapled to the back), original birth certificate and social security card, growth and milestone baby books diligently kept with his handwriting, bank statements, employment records, a rental agreement with 6 months paid in advance, and Polaroids. Lots and lots of Polaroids. There were too many candid shots to count of his drunk and or high parents. Sometimes passed out next to empty liquor or pill bottles, sometimes wide "awake". What really sealed the deal for the judge, was the towering stack of photos with John only. _He had spent the last four years documenting every beating, every branding, and every cutting._ He had even written the reasoning behind the attack on the back of each photo, as well as the weapon used. It was chilling for Judge O'Neil to see this macabre flip-book demonstration of a boy becoming a man.

Innocence lost, frame by frame. She swore she could see his soul leaving his body.

 _Didn't pick up the right formula for Lily. (beer bottle)_

 _Didn't hand him the right sized socket. (car antenna)_

 _Couldn't stop Lily's Colic. (fists)_

 _Juice on floor. (fists)_

 _Spilled paint in the garage. (cigar)_

 _Covered for mom. (broken broom handle)_

 _Broke a plate. (broken plate)_

 _School Conference. (knife)_

 _No discernible reason. (fists)_

 _Made too much noise. (blacked out, don't recall)_

 _Broke 3 beer bottles. (Cigar and fists)_

And on and on...

The judge would sit in stunned silence for 2 hours, deliberating over the evidence. Sure, some of these injuries could be argued to be self-inflicted but what child in their right mind would go to the lengths needed to fabricate a mountain of evidence of this caliber, just to raise another child? He had nothing to gain. He could leave right now and never look back.

She was popping antacids like candy by the time she reached the bottom of the metal box. With her head spinning, she reached in and pulled out the last item. It was a more recent picture of John and Lily. This one was taken by someone else in what appeared to be an apartment. John was sitting on the couch, looking at the camera, while Lily stood behind him, pressed into the couch with her little hands in his long hair. Pieces of his hair were twisted and held together at the ends with various accessories. Lily looked determined and serious. John was grinning from ear to ear, looking blissfully resigned to the experiment occurring above him.

She swore she could see his soul returning to his body.

The back of the picture read: " _John and Lily in their new home."_


	7. Fun with Dick and Groceries

**Grocery Store**

 **"Okay kid, like we discussed earlier. Remember? Now what was it you are not to do?"** John peered over the 5 year old and gave her _the look_.

He always spoke to her like an adult. This was mostly to expand her vocabulary but also because he had the feeling she would grow up quicker than most kids, given what her earlier years were like, and wanted her to be prepared. She had all the fixings for a happy childhood at present. The most important of which was the love and adoration of her caregiver, who was bound and determined to be the person he had needed, when he was younger. He mulled over his parenting choices obsessively. He knew he had a pension to display a bit of a shelter dog disposition from time to time and feared she would pick up on the anger or anxiety creeping beneath the surface. It didn't help that he had glazed over most of his childhood. It wasn't as natural for him, as it would be for others, to recreate those years for her. Nevertheless, she was right where she needed to be. They both were. They were free now.

"I'm not spose'd to beg for cookies or hide stuff in the cart." She sat up straighter when she said it and gazed up at her guardian with puppy dog eyes and an almost undetectable smirk. She learned that smirk from him. _Uh oh._

Oh, great. _The look_. I guess someone is getting cookies anyway, he thought to himself. "Very good, Lily. I'm proud of you for listening." John was indeed proud of her. She was mature for her age and didn't put up too much of a fight or throw tantrums like the other kids in her kindergarten class. She had her moments but most of the time, she was just mellow and trusting. It helped that he gave her reasons for why he wanted her to do certain things. She was told that they were low on money this trip and she understood. Did she remember the empty fridge days of her earlier years? Remember John stashing food for them in the closet? _She was probably too young to remember. Don't screw this up, Bender._

John made his way through the isles with military precision, grabbing what he needed without milling around.

 _Rice, a couple pounds of dried beans, some lentils, a massive canister of oatmeal, flour, toilet paper, peanut butter, bread, canned tomatoes, frozen vegetables, and some assorted fruit._

"Okay, what's next? Ah, we forgot the jelly. What kind do you want, birdie?" The nicknames he had for her were endless.

"Strawberry, please." After she said it, she received a smooch on the temple for being so polite. John smiled, recalling she had stopped pronouncing 'please' like 'pwease' a few weeks ago. It was impossible to ignore how much he missed hearing it.

As they rounded the corner, they narrowly escaped smashing carts with another shopper. John looked up to see the one and only, Dick Vernon. _Great._

"Hey, watch where you're go-...oh, John. Hi." Vernon was visibly nervous and another emotion that John couldn't quite nail down. He didn't appear to be scowling so, that's good. Right?

"Dick." John said with a nod.

"And this young lady must be Lillian." Vern had said this with sincerity, so John didn't take long to respond. He couldn't suppress his tick, however, and narrowed his eyes at Dick when he motioned to her. W _hoops._

He scooped her up out of the cart and plopped her down on the side of his body, above his hip. "Yup, the one and only. Say hi, baby doll. You remember Principal Vernon, from my old school?"

She reacted shyly and attempted to bury herself into John's grey mechanic's jumpsuit, playing with the patch that read Bender inside a circle embroidered with red thread. He wasn't yet covered in grease so her dress survived the contact. John unlaced one of the hands being utilized to create a seat for her and placed it under her chin. This seemed to make her secure enough to utter out a quick hello while looking at Vernon with only one side of her face, keeping the left side obscured by her brother.

"Hey there, kiddo. Nice to see you again." Vernon said this and stole a glance at their cart while John looked at Lily's reaction to the comment. He noticed everything in the cart was healthy with most of it needing to be cooked from scratch. He briefly pictured John in an apron and had to stifle a laugh. John noticed but assumed he was just smiling at the shy girl clinging to him.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence that John filled by switching Lily over to his other hip and resurrecting the seat he had dismantled a moment ago. The general goodbye pattern of conversation followed the act and Vernon turned to head in the opposite direction he came from. John placed her back in the seat and continued their journey to the isle with rows of colorful jellies and jams.

"John, wait." It was Vernon. "Look, I'm...I'm sorry I didn't...I know now that..." He couldn't find the words.

It was John's turn. Would he tell him off or be the better man? The truth is, he hadn't thought about Vern much since he left that hell hole of a school behind. He was the official father figure to a little girl now, he didn't have time to wallow in the past. Plus, he had used Vernon anyway. He was easily manipulated to get the necessary outcome accomplished. He needed Vernon to loathe him and so, loathe him he did. No surprise there. Just a means to an end.

"Listen man, don't...just don't worry about it." It was obvious that it was almost painful for John to say but, he managed to squeeze out the words. That was all Dick Vernon was going to get out of him.

This reply stunned Dick a bit so he awkwardly declared, "I've been thinking about bringing my car around to Joe's Shop. Maybe I'll see you there?"

John looked down at the coveralls emblazoned with Joe's Auto Repair in black letters, and then back up at Vernon. "Very likely. Later Dick." And with that, he spun the cart around, leaned over the bars, and whispered something to the little girl as they walked away. She giggled.

Vern watched them leave and stood still for a while, pretending to decide which brand of canned vegetable to purchase. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to forget the details of the custody case. Rumors spread like a cancer after their reunion in the office. He was left stunned that a "criminal" outsmarted him and he craved answers so, he snooped around and found more than he bargained for. He quickly realized he had misjudged Bender. How could such a young kid take care of an another with the parents he had as an example? Not to mention, purposefully fooling the entire student-teacher body of Shermer High. How the hell was he smart enough to even carry out a four year plan in the first place? He knew John well throughout the four years of that plan and he seemed to be nothing but a clueless, selfish teenager. A punk hell bent on destruction.

 _That's what he wanted us to think. He planned it all. How in the hell?_

He shook his head and looked over at the registers as Bender and Lily were making their way up. He watched as John pulled a box of cookies from behind his back and presented them to his little sister. She let out a wail and a slew of thank yous, jumping up to hug Bender, practically knocking him down in the process.

 _Not such a punk after all._


	8. Laundry Day

_****Shermer Laundromat****_

 _ **6 year old Lily and 20 year old John fold clothes on a Sunday.**_

 _ **Laura May uses the change machine.**_

 ** _Laura May was a transplant from the South, having moved to Chicago after her husband flew the coop. She started working as the principle's secretary a year or so before the notorious John Bender launched his campaign of terror. As she observed John and Lily folding clothes together, she remembered back to the first and last time she saw John in the same room with his family..._**

* * *

Bender's parents were dragged to the school near the end of his sophomore year, when his pattern of egregious behavior was too consistent to ignore. They had been getting phone calls for weeks about the meeting request but ignored them, not giving a single shit about stopping what they assumed was the inevitability of his failure.

Poor Laura May was in charge of calling the parents of this boy. She made her attempts, like clockwork, at 3 PM every week day after she had finished wrapping up for the day. She had her answering machine message memorized and would robotic-ally spit the exact words, in the exact tone.

 _"Hello, this message is for Mr. and Mrs. Bender. My name is Laura May and I am calling on behalf of Principle Vernon over at Shermer High, he would like to arrange a meeting to discuss your son John's future. Please call us back at 929-1538 to set up a meeting at your convenience. Thank you. "_

It was a Thursday like any other. She was securing some files, preparing for her 14th phone call to the Benders, when the phone rang:

 _"Hello, Principle Vernon's Office, Shermer High. Laura May speaking how can I-..."_

 _"Yeah yeah, this is Ed Bender. Don't bother leaving a message in 20 minutes. I'm calling to set up a play date for my shit heel son, John.."_

 _"Oh, I...okay. What day is good for you?"_

 _"Never but we'll go with tomorrow and get it over with."_

 **She hears a woman yelling, followed by a baby crying in the background. A male voice is heard but his words inaudible. Ed Bender's breathing instantly becomes ragged and hateful.**

 _"He has an opening at 1 PM. Does this work?"_

 _"Wonderful! Just grand. See you then."_

 _"Have a good day s-..."_

 _Click_

Tomorrow had come and Laura May found herself filled with dread at the notion of the impending, mandatory company. Today was the day she would meet the same boorish and ignorant Ed Bender she had had the pleasure of speaking with the previous afternoon. She could now see John had inherited his father's sarcasm, with his rendition lacking the palpable, cynical undertones.

The interactions between Laura May and John were almost that of a friendship, compared to those between Dick Vernon and the boy. He would imitate her Southern accent to announce his presence and she would thicken hers to retort that he needed to _sit down, shut up, and wait._ John was caught off guard the first time she quipped back, accidentally allowing a smile to escape him, being disarmed momentarily by her charm and quick wit. She would only play, however, when Vernon was out of ear shot and would transform back into a professional, with no sense of humor, when he was nearby. This was endlessly funny to John so he would get in a few jabs before entering Vern's office.

 _"Don't go mowing all that hay on your lonesome now, Miss Laura May."_

She saw right through his facade. She grew up in a very poor, rural part of Kentucky and knew her way around all kinds. Her parents were slightly more well off compared to their neighbors so they were the family that "took in strays", as her father used to say. As she got to know John, he started to remind her of a boy she grew up with, named Tully. He was cocky, funny, and borderline rude to all the kids. She would see him, day in and day out, cutting up and wise cracking. He always drew a crowd. One day, she was off in the woods, picking wild grapes for her mother's jam, when she saw a male figure crouched over in the creek. He was splashing water on his face and chest and ringing out a tee shirt. She noticed the water was pink when it dripped from the shirt and back into its home, the stream. She ducked behind an ancient Pecan tree and watched the boy. _Tully._ She studied him for a spell and determined this was not the Tully she knew. He kept his head down and hugged himself. He appeared to be crying and had definitely received a whooping. Tully sat like this until dark and perhaps beyond. Laura had to get home. She ran into him the next day. He was the same old Tully again, only now, armed with her new insight, she detected the pain entombed within his eyes.

 _John unknowingly advertised those same eyes._

It was 1:09 PM when the Bender Clan crashed into the office. There was a little girl with them. Her face was dirty and she appeared timid and fearful, although, she wasn't clinging to either of them for support. Her dress was crumpled and her shoes were coming untied. Her mother wasn't holding her or even looking at her. She wasn't looking at anyone really. Her father was clearly holding back some kind of action from happening, telling by the way he was strangling his own hands. The tiny girl looked lost. While Laura was suppressing the urge to pick the girl up and hug her, Vernon rang her phone and told her to send The Benders in and to retrieve John. She made the announcement:

 _"John Bender to the Principle's Office, please. John Bender to the Principle's Office, please."_

John shuffled into the office but didn't perform his usual routine with the Southern Bell. He instead gave her a nod and sat down, constrained. She noted the lack of interaction and saw something move out of the corner of her eye. Lily made a break for it. She had easily left her parents' side unnoticed and made her way to her brother. She was smiling now and lacking the fear she displayed moments earlier. Her eyes were bright and expressive. Her brother was looking to the floor so she stood in front of him, motionless. When the object of Lily's affection noticed her presence, Laura witnessed the glowering boy's eyes grow sunny and alive. By the time his face was in full view, a tenderhearted smile had formed and activated the muscles in his forehead to illustrate a profound love and yearning. It was stunning to behold.

He leaned down to pull her towards him but she was already climbing up his legs. He helped her stand up on his lap so they could huddle up. He assessed her condition and put her down on the carpeted floor. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Ziploc bag containing a damp cloth of some kind.

 _Is that a baby wipe? Well now, I've seen it all...G-o-d Bless._

He proceeded to wipe her face and neck, then her little hands. He whispered something to her and leaned forward. She grabbed on to his neck and was lifted slightly up off the ground. John swung his lanky arms down and pulled up her tights, starting at the ankles and working his way up with skill and efficiency. He let her down and sat on his feet to smooth out her dress as best he could. Without words, Lily placed her left foot on John's knee so he could tie her shoe. He motioned for the other one, even though it wasn't yet undone.

 _Her momma ain't in that other room, I can tell you that._

John didn't seem to notice he was on display so was taken aback when he saw Laura staring at them, appearing to be deep in thought. He raised Lily up in front of him, presenting her like a game show host.

 _"This is my little sister, Lily. Say hi, Lily."_

 _"Hi, Lily."_

Giggles all around for the pint-sized comedian.

Before Laura could rat Bender out for being a "big softy," she was startled by a man howling John's name. She watched as the little girl jumped and was snapped out of her confidence. John was already pulling her to his chest. He flipped her over so she was horizontal and on her side, with her back facing the secretary. He anchored his left forearm under her neck while balancing her body on the leg he had propped up on a chair. He was mouthing cords, using the nape of her neck as a fret-board and strumming her back, making her giggle uncontrollably. Their father shouted once more and thus, ended the performance. Lily was still laughing as he carried her over one shoulder into the office.


	9. Laundry Night

**John was looking down at a the single pink sock resting in his hand, cursing the Sock Gods for taking one so young and beautiful...**

Holding high in the air the twin of the one taken, he proclaimed:

"Oh divine and merciful one, we relinquish this young sole to your will and ask only for fabric softener in return.

May the towels be soft and fluffy...

All praise we give to the Sock God!

ALL HAIL THE SOCK GOD!"

Laura was was wrestling with her sheets when the impromptu ceremony disrupted the peaceful hum of the dryers behind her. She forfeited her battle with the fitted sheet and crammed it into her wicker basket. Balancing the basket on her hip and feeling the worn, splintered section of it pinch at her skin, she walked over to greet the pair.

Lily was sitting up on the counter rolling socks. John was folding towels and whistling a tune she didn't recognize. She reached out and tapped his shoulder. He turned around.

"Hey there, stranger," she greeted. "Long time no see!"

Up close now, she could see he had filled out, looking much healthier, and stronger than the malnourished teen she had seen haunting the halls of Shermer. His hair was long again with its grey streak being more pronounced and much wider than she had remembered. His piercings and gloves were absent but he maintained the same style otherwise. He was wearing well-broken in jeans, a long-sleeved maroon flannel with a barely noticeable plaid pattern running through it, a plain white crew neck tee, and navy blue Converse sneakers.

Lily had grown like a weed but was still cute as a button. Her hair was blonde when she first met her, but it was now a golden, light brown. It was wild and curly and framing her heart shaped face. She noticed for the first time that her eyes were identical to John's. Laura got a kick out of her outfit. She was a pocket-sized, female version of John Bender. Her little Converse sneakers were scuffed and purple in color. She too wore a plain white tee under a flannel shirt but was wearing a skirt over capri leggings instead of jeans.

"Well, hey th-are, Miss Laura May. Shuck any corn ta-day?" He made like he was grabbing invisible overall straps and bucked his teeth out to rest on his bottom lip.

"You don't fool me none, John Bender! You-a big old softy, that's what cha-a are." She yanked her accent out of its dormant state and laid it on thicker than molasses. It retreated back into hibernation when she addressed the girl.

"Well, hey there Miss Lily! The last time I saw you, you were a guitar!"

Lily looked up at her confused and then over to Johnny to demand an explanation. He shrugged and pointed his rolling eyes at Laura then back down at the her, swirling his pointer finger near his temple while he mouthed: 'crazy.' She stifled a laugh, believing she was privy to another one of their inside jokes but, unknowingly trapped in theirs.

"Hi Miss Laura May. Nice to see you." Lily said, with an air of wisdom beyond her years.

"Well, aren't you just sweeter than honey on a sundae! Smart as the day is long, too." Laura said. Her accent making another appearance without notifying its owner.

John's chin pointed up as he folded his hands and placed both atop Lily's head, weighing her down a bit. A proud as punch grin plastered his face.

"Why, thank you for noticing." John said, releasing his captive and bowing in a stately manner. Lily smiled and rolled her eyes.

Laura was putting a hand over her heart and laughing at the pair. The ebb and flow of their rapport would surely never cease to amaze her. She couldn't help but think back to the moment she saw the change in the Lily when she noticed her brother, all those years ago. She remembered it was almost enough to make her cry, which was uncharacteristic for her, to say the least. She was a tough, old bird.

She realized she was reenacting the past in the present-day laundromat, when she saw the look of puzzlement and concern grow on Lily's face. Her brother made a heavy and slow blink in Laura May's direction, bowing his head ever so slightly, reading her mind and thanking her in his own way. She returned a knowing smile and thanked him back without words.

She wiped away the tears that had slipped, took a deep breath, and blew it out with a happy sigh. She announced regretfully that she couldn't stay and chat.

"Well, it was so good to see you two but I better get going. Maybe I'll see ya'll next Sunday!"

Lily and John said their goodbyes in unison and watched the secretary leave, soon returning to their little world.

"That lady was nice, I remember her." Lily said with conviction.

 **And with one remark, John was hurled from serenity in to the arms of his old friend, Fear.**

"Lily, you weren't even two and you met her one time...are you sure?"

 _Fuck. If she remembers that, what else does she remember?_ _"_

He continued but didn't want to.

"Where do you remember her from?"

"From School..."

"Yours or mine?"

"Yours! I think she had glasses on."

He decided he was already in too deep and pried more. He felt the acid in his gut lament and relieve its sorrow on his stomach lining.

"Do you remember anything else from that day?"

"I remember going to grandmas' and...eating cookies!"

"Anything before that?"

Coldness crept into his extremities. Body on high alert, buzzing with painful static. His mouth was drying out now and demanded saliva from his throat. He slammed his tongue into the roof of his mouth, sucked his teeth, and swallowed.

"Nope!"

Oh, thank all the lazy devils in Hell she doesn't remember. _Chill the fuck out stomach, fuck you._

"Well, you have a really good memory because that is exactly what happened! Look at you!" His voice was exaggerated and an octave or two higher than usual.

John was keeping himself busy folding towels and averting her eyes. He was hoping she hadn't picked up on the sudden change in the air. He realized she was still rolling socks so he stretched out his hands a bit and tried to reboot. That was when he saw it.

 _Nope, fuck off brain, I'm not going there so you can just forget it!_

His gaze was drawn to the scars adorning the knuckles belonging to his dominant hand. He watched the mementos dance as he moved his fingers, breaking the horizontal lines in to quarters.

* * *

Ed Bender left skid marks as he peeled out of the Shermer High School parking lot. He was pissed and driving like a lunatic. He slowed down when he saw a cop car in the distance. Bender loosened his grip on the car-seat and spoke.

"So, Grandma called yesterday. She wanted me to bring Lily by today. She said something about testing out cookies. Maybe...maybe we can take her now?"

"What the fuck do I look like, a chauffeur?"

His mother chimed in and said, "Oh yeah, that's right. Let's take her real quick. I have to ask her something anyway."

Those were the days before the little chalk pills had numbed her heart completely. Her mother had indeed called the previous day, but John was at school and she never told him.

They pulled up to his grandmother's white, single wide trailer. His mother went up to ring the doorbell, leaving Lily inside the car with John and Ed.

 _Fucking shit, mom. I think you forgot a little something..._

"So, you think you can escape me? Huh, you little shit? You're staying right the fuck here, Johnny my boy." Ed snarled. I have something special planned for you."

Ed didn't realize John wasn't planning on going anywhere.

The older Bender reached for his switch blade, bringing it to life when he whipped around violently in his seat to face his son. He grabbed John by the collar and pulled him close, causing him to wonder if he had reached the end of his short life.

 _Am I going to die in the same fucking Chevelle I was born in?_

Lily was screeching now as John made a futile attempt to control his breathing.

"You think I give a fuck what your school has to say, boy? You're worthless and everybody knows it, yet they drag me into you pathetic life for what!? HUH? I'm a _real_ man, with a _real_ job that I had to miss because of _you_!"

"Dad, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please. Mom is coming back. She's coming back! Don't kill me."

"You think I'm gonna kill you in front of all these fucking witnesses? You're dumber than you look, boy."

He threw John back in his seat with a purpose. His wife came around to the side with Lily's car seat and grabbed her without saying a word, leaving her diaper bag behind. John could hear Lily wailing. When it stopped, signaling she was inside, he let go just the slightest bit.

John's father was turned around again, kneeling on the seat this time. He was much calmer than he was before.

 _Not a good sign._

He presented the knife and gripped John's right hand, right on the pressure point, causing John to cry out. Ed's hands were rough and calloused from years of manual labor so it scratched and reddened the skin on John's soft palms. They were not yet Grease Monkey trophies.

The two stared at each other. John tried to hide his fear and replaced it with anger. It didn't last long. Before he knew it, he was screaming bloody murder as the knife dragged across his knuckles.

"This... ** _SLICE_**...is for making me miss... ** _SLICE_**...half a day of work!"

John was still howling in pain as he was released. He was clutching his hand, doubled over in pain. He tore a bandanna from his boot with his left hand and wrapped the throbbing wounds before he got blood on the carpet. Before he poured gasoline on the fire.

John's father was lighting up a cigar, fanning the match when he uttered, "Have fun healing that up, you no good fucking bastard. Maybe now you'll learn not to fuck with me. Here, you can keep this as a reminder."

He tossed the now closed and bloodied weapon at his son without looking.

John hated the way he sounded with a cigar in his mouth. He hated everything about the man. He wanted to slam his head into the dash board until he no longer heard crunching bone. Being called a bastard would be a compliment, _if it were true_.

 _Rot in Hell you piece of fucking dog shit._

He was quiet now. He looked up to see his mother, staring at him from the sidewalk, asking him something with her eyes. He could tell there was a battle raging inside her mind.

Her son looked up at his father, then back at her with wide eyes and shook his head 'NO.'

"I'll see you at home, Eddie. Mom's gonna give me a ride back later," she said. "Johnny, are you coming?"

"No, Meg." He looked at her. "He's not."

They sped off, leaving her on the sidewalk to wonder if she'd ever see _her_ son again.

She wouldn't and she wouldn't care by tomorrow.

She kept her back to her mother's trailer and swallowed two pills at once, for the first time.

* * *

John was still staring at the relic, no longer hidden under biker gloves, when Lily broke his trance.

"Johnny, look! I found my other sock! I found my other sock!"

 _Not today Sock God, not today._


	10. Rise and Shine

**"INFERNAL SUN! Why have you forsaken me?" John beckoned the sky.**

It was Monday. He refused to move from the bed so he brought his knees up to his chest and hugged himself awhile. He had made the brilliant decision to stay up late rebuilding a carburetor on the kitchen table. He felt old and rickety from the resulting lack of sleep. He was only 26 but felt at least 50. He looked at the clock and it read 7:15 AM.

 _Shit on a shingle, I don't want to. You can't make me!_

He unfurled his body and dragged it out of bed, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He was singing the blues all the way to the bathroom, to Lily's door, and then finally to the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes at the finished project on the table.

 _You. This all your fault._

He decided it was staying right where it was. The newspaper underneath the carb was coated in grease. It also ripped about a hundred times while he was working on top of it so, the table was no doubt speckled in grease as well. They would be eating breakfast on the couch today.

Bender made his way over to the the Crockpot and turned it off. The thing was practically an heirloom piece at this point. It was small, bright 70's orange and yellow with thick, psychedelic black lettering and a tribe of vegetables on the front. It had two settings: Low and Charred. He had been using it took cook steel cut oats since the beginning of time. He reached over the antique, pulled out two bowls, a jar of peanut butter, and a bottle of maple syrup from their respective cabinets. He scooped the chewy gruel into the bowls, plopped a mess of peanut butter into each, and drizzled the syrup over his only.

"THUMPER! Come get it!" John hollered from the kitchen.

"Be right there!" Lily hollered back as she smoothed out her clothes while taking one last look in the mirror.

Lily emerged from her room and grabbed her bowl, thanking her brother. She then retrieved a bag of chocolate chips from the pantry and dumped some of its contents into her oats. They melted a bit on contact but not all the way. Just the way she liked it. She fished two spoons out of the silverware drawer and hopped over the back of the couch to sit by her brother, who was lifting his bowl to avoid being covered in oatmeal. He had learned this the hard way a few years back. She stabbed one of the spoons into his oatmeal and flipped on the TV. They sat and watched cartoons, like they always did while they ate breakfast.

With the breakfast ritual complete, Lily took the bowls and washed them in the sink before the remnants could be converted into glue. She dried her hands and grabbed her book-bag, thumbing through its innards to make sure she had everything she needed.

"Okay, all ready," she announced. "Are you?"

"Yup, yup! Be right there."

John was preoccupied with the coffee pot. He flicked on the switch and headed to the door. He snatched Lily's bag and threw it on his shoulder as he grabbed hers and pushed her out the door. They walked down the creaky stairs to the shop below.

"Hey Joe!" Lily hollered.

"Hey, little girl! Alice is coming by with those cupcakes you need. That's today, right?"

"Yup, it's Jennifer's birthday this time. They're orange and black right, for Halloween? We're celebrating it today but her real birthday's on the 30th."

"Yes, indeed. Saw them myself this morning. Uh, you're gonna be one...or two short though." Joe said as he shrugged guiltily.

"It's okay, she always makes extra because s-o-o-o-me-body keeps stealing them." Lily quipped, showcasing the sarcasm she had earned from years of living with her brother.

 _"_ I see. I see. Oh hey-Bender? You got that carburetor rebuilt yet?"

"Yeah, Joe. Stayed up all night like an idiot."

"Right on man. See you later."

Lily and John got to the bus stop just in time.

"I should be bringing the cupcakes by before 9:30. Love you, Ninja. Be good!"

Lily had earned this nickname at age 5 when John found her on top of the fridge, rummaging through the junk food hoard he had stashed in the cabinets.

"Love you too. Oh and, if you must, eat one. Not three like last time. She can only make so many!" Lily warned as she disappeared into the mammoth, yellow beast.

Bender waited until he saw her pop up at the window. He shoveled invisible cupcakes in to his mouth and slapped his stomach, pretending to be satisfied. She scrunched up her face and pumped a tiny fist at him. He was pretending to be scared when the bus drove off.

Back at the apartment, Good Old Johnny had a little time to kill. He celebrated this promptly, by dumping coffee all over himself. Luckily, it was cold leftovers from his travel mug, just wanting to say hello before they whirled down the drain into oblivion. He peeled off his shirt and headed to the bathroom after grabbing a fresh one. He set the clean shirt aside and as far away as possible from the dirty one because it was surely going to be _that_ kind of day.

He plugged the sink and ran the faucet while pouring some soap under the tap. He cleaned the sticky coffee off of himself with a washcloth and started to work on the shirt. He was scrubbing away, remembering back to a time when the water would have been turning crimson, not brown.

 **Meanwhile, in the parking lot...**

Alice was performing a balancing act with two foil trays filled with orange and black cupcakes with little candy skulls on top. She made her way passed her husband, purposefully waiting until he was distracted. Her math told her his help was not worth the risk.

She made her way through the hallway and up to the apartment door. It was ajar so she walked in. She laid the cupcakes on the counter and took a moment to admire her old home. It looked ten times better than it ever did. John continued to make improvements to it every year so it just got better and better. Lily held a strike over the stark white walls by age 7 so John allowed her to pick out some new colors. It was bright and cheery in there now. Her gaze drifted to a 3 year old grease stain on the sage green wall by the kitchen table and she laughed, recalling the infamous birthday party.

 _They were celebrating Lily's 9th birthday. John had made his first cake from scratch. Chocolate with vanilla icing. Lily happily dug into her first bite of cake and went quiet. John took his first bite next. He immediately stood up, stuck out his tongue and picked up the slice with his fingers. He walked over to his sister and smooshed the cake into the wall next to her. Lily broke out laughing and they all went to the diner down the street for birthday pie._

She was still smiling when she heard John in the bathroom. The door was wide open so she called his name. He didn't hear her. She moved in closer and saw John in the mirror. She was about to knock to spook him when she noticed a circle, about the size of a cigar, etched into his chest staring back at her. She slowly realized his back had more scarring. The worst of which being thin, diagonal lines located in the center. He was still looking down and seemed to be somewhere else. She didn't know what to do so, she grabbed the cupcakes and booked it back to the hallway as quietly as possible.

She stood there a moment, in total shock. Joe had never told her the full truth, just as John suspected. All she knew was that, "things were bad at home." She fully understood why her husband withheld information because she was about to be sick to her stomach. She loved John like a son. It occurred to her that she never thought to ask how bad it was. Maybe she didn't want to know or maybe, it was just familiar enough to fade into the foreground of her mind. She was turning pale now, thinking about what he must have gone through when she heard him in the living room. She panicked and knocked on the door before she could stop herself.

"Hey, Al Gal. Just the girl I wanted to see!" John said happily. He took the trays from her and set them down. "Do you want to come in a minute?"

She was frozen and clearly looked like she was in trouble because John already had his arm around her and was leading her to the couch.

"Are you okay, Alice? What's wrong? Are you sick? Do you need me to get you some water or something?" John said with panic in his voice.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had-I was just-I just..."

She was looking down frantically, hoping to find an excuse when she was greeted by another circular scar she'd never seen before, on his forearm. There was no stopping them. She burst into tears.

John wasted no time and wrapped his long arms around her, pulling her to his chest. He had his chin hooked over her shoulder and was rubbing her back, telling her it was okay.

She calmed down a bit and pulled away but squeezed his hands in hers, tightly.

"I'll be okay, John. I'm just...I'm just so glad to have you and Lily in my life."

"Well, we're not going anywhere Allie, you can bet on that. The rent's too cheap!" John said, as he brushed a tear away from her face.

Alice smiled and looked at _him_ for the first time. When did he become a man? She couldn't help but wonder, if it happened before they even met.

"What?" John asked as he tilted his head.

"You're a good kid, Johnny."

"What can I say? I'm a people pleaser."

After some time had passed, he walked her to the door and thanked her for the cupcakes. She was now able to pretend she was indeed okay, so John let her go with ease.

As soon as John was out of sight, the tears came again. She walked down the stairs towards the shop and ended up in Joe's arms, half way there. He had seen her coming.

"What's going on, Alice? Is John okay?"

"No, I mean yes. I mean I saw him, Joe. I didn't know. He doesn't know I know. Did you know?"

"Baby, slow down, I don't understand what you're saying."

"Scars, Joe! He's covered in them! My poor baby! I'll kill that man! I'll kill him!"

"Slow down, Mamma Bear. There's nothing anyone can do for him. He has to do this on his own. Trust me, he's still angry and hurt, but he thinks he's healed and that's a start."

"But it was different with you, Joe. We left town and never looked back. John is still in the same town, with the same people. He didn't get the chance to leave it all behind."

"Yes but he has us, he has Lily, and whether he sees it right now or not, he has his mother. You can't outrun your problems, Al. You can gain enough distance to see them for what they are but, there's no outrunning them. You know that best of all. You've put up with my moody ass all these years! I love you for it and he loves you too. You've been a mother to that boy and, if you ask me, you showed up just in the nick of time. The only thing you can do right now is try and let this go, baby. For John's sake and yours. You've already given him your whole heart, without even knowing how much he needed it.

"We both have, Joe. I just hope it's enough."

"Didn't anyone tell you? Love is all you need! Do you want me to sing it?"

"No NO! That will do."

Joe ignored his wife's pleading completely and broke out into song. He was the world's worst singer.

 _"All you need is love (All together, now!)_

 _All you need is love (Everybody!)_

 _All you need is love, love_

 _Love is all you need_  
 _Love is all you need (Love is all you need)_  
 _Love is all you need (Love is all you need)_  
 _Love is all you need (Love is all you need)_ _..."_

"Hey, where are you going? I wasn't done!" Joe cried out to Alice as she fled for her life out the door.

 **Back up stairs...**

John was about ready to go drop the cupcakes off when the phone rang. He reluctantly put his mug down and answered the phone.

"Yeeeello?"

"Hi Johnny, do you have a minute?"

"Oh, uh. Hey, Mom."


End file.
